3 Reasons Why a Long Engagement is a Good Thing
It happened. They asked. And you’re beside yourself, over-the- moon happy to say “Yes!”
And just like when you held out for your true love to share your life with, you may decide to have a long engagement.
The average length of an engagement is between 12-14 months. This time frame gives you enough time to plan your wedding and allows for a little break between major tasks.
There are no rules that say you have to get married within this time.
Personally, I think having a long engagement is a great thing for couples to do.
If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know I’m always going on about enjoying your engagement season. A long engagement creates space for that to happen.
There are many reasons why couples may have a long engagement a few of them are:
They don’t want to rush their engagement
Save money for the wedding
Want to travel + explore the world
Finish studying
Starting a new job
Changing location
Two more reasons that I personally think are important and you benefit from greatly are;
Space to connect deeper with your partner and to prepare for your marriage.
A less stressful wedding planning journey.
What I know is that couples who’ve planned for a long engagement have had a less stressful and easeful planning process. Which is what I’m all about at Individually Planned.
So before I get into the benefits, let me prepare you for what you may experience from others.
There’s gonna be people who’ll find it weird that you’re having a long engagement and for whatever reason just wanna be all up in your business.
If you’ve been engaged for a year or more, questions from friends and family may start;
“Are you still even getting married?” “Are you guys having problems?” “Why wait?” etc
These questions may make you feel pressured and feel ‘obligated’ to answer them. You don’t.
You don’t have to share any personal details that you’re not comfortable sharing.
Some boundary setting is required, however I know that having a response ready that shuts down the convo can be difficult. So here’s a few to have in your back pocket when needed.
I personally like a more direct approach but I know that’s not for everyone.
So, here's a few approaches you can take, depending on what feels comfortable/right for you.
Answer the Question
“ We’re saving a bit until we can afford what we want”
“ I’ve got a couple more years of study and then I’ll have space to focus.”
Steer Away/Dismiss
“ It’s complicated.” smile, pause and change the subject.
“ We haven’t thought about it much yet”
Direct Approach
“ I’m really not comfortable talking about that”
“ Thanks for asking, however I’m gonna keep that private.”
Once they realise there is ‘nothing to report’ they’ll wait for your announcement.
Remember your engagement is a time to enjoy with your partner, no need to let questions get in the way!
So cool, you’re prepared for the questions. Now the benefits of a long engagement.
You Can Enjoy Being Engaged
You don’t plan on getting engaged again! Enjoy this special time in your lives.
This is a new chapter in your life, have some fun, take some engagement photos, celebrate with family and friends creating your memories.
By giving yourself this time, you can have a moment to adjust and self reflect. You can strengthen yourselves individually and get clear on what you really want out of life.
A long engagement means that you and your love will have some time to strengthen your relationship, you may want to consider pre marriage coaching, you’ll explore your shared and individual goals, values and communication styles, ways of keeping the love alive and more.
You’ll have tools and skills to help you design a happy, healthy marriage.
If you’re not mindful your engagement will whizz by and you would've spent your entire engagement filled with all the wedding planning details. Spending this time intentionally with your partner at this time in your lives before the wedding planning begins will be worth it.
You Can Take Your Time and Enjoy The Process
With a long engagement you have the luxury of taking your time and can set the timeline for your planning. You can go at a more steady pace and focus on your important elements one at a time for your wedding instead of juggling multiple decisions at once.
Let’s say that you got engaged in the winter and you both want to get married in the summer outside. You can start researching venues in the spring and you’ll have the opportunity to visit venues in the summer before your wedding and get a good feel for your wedding vs seeing it in Autumn.
With the extended time that you have, you and your partner have an opportunity to get clear on your wants and needs as a couple as well as the aesthetic and vibe of your day.
You’ll have time to research venues, honeymoon locations, photographers, fashion, florists etc
You also don’t have to rush to plan the details – plan when you want to!
I will just say that popular suppliers get booked up early, however it’s highly likely that with you booking far in advance that the suppliers you want will be available.
Great For The Budget
Having a longer lead time allows for budgeting and saving. Saving gives you the opportunity for some extra elements that you can enjoy on wedding day or to have that dream honeymoon you’ve talked about.
Getting into debt for your wedding is no way to start married life!
Without the pressure of time, you can agree on guest lists with your partner and parents and adjust accordingly as time goes on. You may start with a guest list of about 150 and then when you begin planning in earnest, that list can go down to 75. A lower guest list does wonders for the budget.
Wedding fever passes on by. You won’t be making those impulsive or emotional decisions. You’ll let go of the trends and whatever other people are doing. It gives you a chance to ask yourselves “is this adding to our guest experience?” “ Does this represent us as a couple?” You’ll know what the best decision is for you when you answer.
Having a low stress and laid back engagement allows you to take your time with decisions, feel more in control and confident with the decisions that you’re making because they are being made from a place of calm rather than overwhelm and you can really enjoy the process.
There are many benefits of being able to take your time, and I hope I’ve given you some food for thought if you’ve been considering a long engagement.
If a long engagement enables you to focus on building your relationship in preparation for marriage, then do it.
If a long engagement enables you to plan your wedding with ease and enjoy the process, then do it.
Just remember, there’s a group of people who know what’s best for your relationship;
Yep, it’s you, the people in the relationship.
Do your engagement in a way that feels best for the two of you.
Happy Planning
Edna x